'MY FATHER DOESN'T LOVE ME: WHAT DO I DO?'

Families full of emotional pain and anger seem to be everywhere. If you are in one, here's what you can do.

By David Fraser

"By the time he was through with me, I was spitting blood all over the ground and blood covered the front of my T-shirt.How am I supposed to forget that?"

How indeed?

Later that evening, as I thought over the memories this young man had of being physically and emotionally abused by his stepfather, I couldn't help being overwhelmed by sadness. He was a big-hearted guy, with great potential, yet he was emotionally chained to the past, to the whirlpool of pain, anger and violence that had engulfed his teen years.

As many of you well know, he is not alone. Millions of homes are plagued with pain and anger.

Here is a sampling of letters we've received:

"I've got a big problem I don't know how to solve. My dad hates me. I try so hard to please him, but no matter what I do, there's always something wrong with it. I can't sit down and talk with him because he'll get really mad.... Please help me."

"I have a problem that is troubling me night and day. It's with my parents. When they get mad at me, they call me hurtful names, curse words and awful things I wouldn't repeat. [My parents] yell at me every day, so I cry either inwardly but usually outwardly.... My parents hate me! What can I do?"

"I'm a deaf teenager but my parents don't care about me. My dad told me when I finish high school he's going to kick me and my things out of the house. I don't know what I can do to tell them I love them and that I don't really hate them. Can you help before it goes farther down the hole?"

Some bad solutions

If you're now living in a 'toxic' family, you're probably feeling pain. And pain produces anger. Lots of it. Chances are you may wake up angry and go to bed angry.

If you're a girl, you probably find yourself crying a lot. If you're a guy, you're probably getting more and more aggressive toward whoever is causing your pain, even toward people who are not responsible. (Psychologists call this displaced anger.) One thing's for sure, you're not happy.

There are solutions, both good and bad. First let's talk about some bad solutions. When we're in pain we try to do something about it. If somebody is causing you pain, you often attack or withdraw.

This leads some teens into pretty bad coping mechanisms. Guys and some girls will find themselves verbally abusing the parent that is causing the pain. (Often that parent is the father.) Sometimes they will start retaliating physically.

The opposite approach is withdrawal. Withdrawal can take a number of forms. Drugs, alcohol and sexual intimacy may seem to provide relief from the pain. Some teens run away from home. Others attempt suicide. Sad to say, some succeed.

If you're in pain, you may have tried one or more of these solutions already. They are all bad. After the drugs, alcohol, sex and outbursts of anger, the pain remains. These solutions really solve nothing at all.

So what do you do?

Breaking down the barriers and trying to communicate can be hard. But it's worth the effort.

• Reach out for help. When we're having difficult times, we all need help. It's important to get help from the right people.

Teens often want sympathy from their friends. Often they get it. But that's all they get. Teens rarely have the resources and maturity to constructively help their friends through serious personal difficulties.

If you are in an abusive home, get help from a family member, a teacher or a minister you trust. Don't stop until you find someone who will listen. (Most phone books have child abuse hotlines that can help you.)

But when the danger is gone, the anger remains. In many cases physical abuse is not involved, but teens still feel unloved, unwanted or even hated. These teens often also feel anger. Overcoming that anger and hurt is our concern here.

• Reach out to your father (or mother). Sure, this is tough. But you need to ask yourself some tough questions. How do you know he doesn't love you? Maybe he's been trying to re4each out to you, but he doesn't know how and you can't see it because you've built a wall around yourself.

Parents and teens can get caught in a downward spiral of pain and anger and fail to notice when one is trying to break the spiral. You have to do your part.

Many years ago, Jesus Christ, the one who created and who best understands the human mind, said we should love those who make life difficult for us (Matthew 5:44). That was, and is, totally practical advice, because love removes hate and anger. And hate and anger make you unhappy.

Reaching out is how you start loving your father. It means thinking about how to make his life more pleasant, not more painful.

Sometimes we think we're the only ones with problems. But parents have problems also: financial problems, job problems, health problems. And they have feelings too!

What can you do to start making your parents' lives a little easier? There are a thousand things you could do to help, if you put some creative thought into it. And in the process of helping, you start becoming happier.

It's not easy. It's easier to get angry and stomp out the door. It's easier to get drunk or stoned. But then, that doesn't make you happy, does it?

Until you realize that you choose your emotions -- that you can choose to love or hate, to be angry or happy -- nothing will fundamentally change in your life. The downward spiral will continue.

And how many times do you keep on trying to reach out? When asked that question Christ replied "seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:22). That's 490 times! In other words you can't ever stop showing love.

• Reach out to your Father in heaven. What if your best efforts come to nothing? There are some parents who are so emotionally crippled that they can't respond to their teen's attempts to break the barriers of bitterness.

But pity, not anger, is the response of love. You must keep on trying to reach out to your father. You also have to be realistic. At this point, he may be incapable of love.

The Creator of life and love is always loving, though. You're not too young to start adding a spiritual dimension to your life. When he was only 12, Jesus explained to his stepfather that he already had a close relationship with his Father in heaven (Luke 2:49). The Creator wants to have the same relationship with you.

He wants to love you and help you the way no human father ever can.

He may seem distant, but in reality he is "not far from every one of us" (Acts 17:27), if we want to reach out and make contact with him.

You may feel like you're in a hole right now. But you can start pulling yourself out. There are solutions. But you must choose the way up.

Taken from Youth 90 magazine

If You Were GOD... What would you say to encourage teens?

By Joseph W. Tkach

Discouragement comes in all kinds of packages.

With all the pressures on teens today, it's no wonder many feel discouraged.

Maybe the test didn't go well. Or your friend snapped at you and your parents accused you of something you didn't do.

Or the kids at school laughed at your outfit. Or you messed up during the big game, or didn't even get to play.

When you're discouraged, though, wouldn't it be nice to know that there was someone in your corner, pulling for you? Someone powerful, yet understanding. Someone who cares and doesn't think the things that bother you are small and silly. Someone you can always rely on.

What would this ultimate helper be like? What would you want this person to say and do to encourage you? If you had all power and all knowledge, what would you do?

We asked a group of junior and senior high school students, "If you were God, what would you say to encourage teenagers?" Here are some of their answers:

Bruce, 18: "I don't think we encourage other people enough. I think we all need to be prompted to do that a bit more."

Katrina, 14: "God's really a good person to talk to because he's all-powerful. He knows what's going on, so he can help you."

Brad, 15: "Try to get involved with helping other people, because

you can forget what your problem is."

Carlos, 17: "As God I guess you have to remind all the people that there is something better to look forward to."

Janelle, 16: "You have to remind people that you're there for them, that you won't put them down.

Amber, 14: "To not worry what other people are going to think about you, just be friendly.... I would like to hear God say he's my friend."

"I'll always be there"

"You can look to me for help. Just ask - I'll always be there."

"If I were God, I would think that one of the most important things I could tell a teenager would be the assurance that I am with him, protecting him, guiding his decisions if he will only just choose my path. I would love to give him blessings and have him be my friend."

"Hmmm, [I would say] if they really want to, they can turn a bad situation around and make the best out of it - and I'll be behind them all the way." A lot of teens we asked said they would show they cared and were there for the discouraged teen. The best thing about this is that God agrees with this prescription. He tells us these things in many places.

"For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we may boldly say : 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear' " (Hebrews 13: 5-6, New King James Version throughout).

When God says he will never leave us, he means never. That's a rock solid promise. That kind of firm commitment can help us face difficulties with confidence.

"I understand"

One teen brought out another important way God encourages us. If this teenager were God, he would say: "Well, teen, I know how it is to be a teenager, because my son Jesus Christ was one, and he told me all about it.

"I know the world is pressuring you to grow up and you're not sure how to. You see all around you the evils and problems of this world, and you don't want to fall into those traps.... Hang in there and keep obeying me!"

God does understand. When Jesus Christ came to earth, one of the reasons was so he could experience the things we go through so he could understand how hard it can be. He felt all the weaknesses we feel. He was tempted in the same ways as we are, yet he didn't sin (Hebrews 4:15).

Christ faced it all, and he didn't find it easy. But he met the challenge, and he can help you meet it too.

"I'll take your heavy burdens"

God doesn't promise we won't have burdens to carry, but he does offer to lighten our load.

" 'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke.... For My yoke is easy and My burden is light' " (Matthew 11:28-30).

Many times we are burdened by the weight of guilt, worries and fear. These often bring us down to discouragement. Christ offers forgiveness, peace of mind and his love, which casts out fear and worry. Without these burdens, our load is much lighter.

Let's look at one more step in the encouragement process that greatly involves us.

We should take the ways God encourages us, and use them to encourage others.

We should be there to show other people we care, as God does for us. We should be understanding, walking a mile in their moccasins, as Christ does for us. And we should help each other with our burdens, both through prayer and through whatever physical help we can wisely give.

God discusses this process of encouragement and comfort in II Corinthians 1:3-4. These verses tell us about the "God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

We are to take the comfort and encouragement God gives us and then pass it on to others.

One comment from a high school student sums it all up:

"If I were God, I would probably say 'I'm there for you anytime you want to talk to someone and I love you and care for you.'

"All people need to feel that they are loved by someone. Many of the problems teenagers have are because they feel no one really cares about them, when maybe someone does, but never shows it. I think that if this is said, and is truly meant, it would end a lot of the problems teens [and adults!] have."

Taken from Youth 90 Magazine

By The Way: WORRY, WORRY, DON'T WORRY

Do you spend a lot of your time worrying about things you can't control? Do you want to stop? Read on!

By Dexter H. Faulkner

In Guatemala there is a legend about dolls that can solve your problems.

The idea is that you tell the dolls your troubles each night before you go to sleep. While you're asleep the dolls solve your problems for you.

Wouldn't that be great! Just hand your troubles over to a doll and let it take care of everything. It would be a stress-free existence.

Unfortunately, of course, it doesn't work.

What does worrying do?

Facing a fate worse than death? Don't despair. You can learn to stop worrying.

Think of all the problems that worrying has solved for you. It's probably a small list. Worry does little more than cause you to lose sleep at night. (It can even cause health problems, such as headaches and ulcers.)

Losing sleep over a problem or event that you dread only makes you tired and cranky in the morning. Worry doesn't accomplish anything productive.

Many chronic worriers confuse worry with action. But there is no correlation between the two.

For some, worrying is a part of everdyday life. For example, when you get called into your principal's or boss' office, do you think you're going to be chewed out or fired? We live in a stressful age and it is easy to imagine the worst and fret over the unexpected.

But worrying about problems or things that could possibly go wrong is a bad habit. Like any bad habit, there are things that you can do to break it. You can stop worrying, and here's how to start:

The first step to overcoming the habit of worrying is to determine that you want to do something about it. This decision takes place in your mind and starts with a positive attitude.

Having a positive attitude not only makes you feel better, it helps relieve stress. A positive attitude also helps you solve problems better.

Positive feelings give you access to a wider range of information and ideas; negative emotions tend to narrow your focus. A positive attitude helps you realize your seemingly unsolvable problem may not really be as bad as it seemed.

When the principal, coach or boss calls you into the office, don't say to yourself, "I'm gonna get it." Instead, think of all the positive things that could happen, such as being moved to a better position on the team or getting a raise. Instead of worrying about everything that could go wrong, stop and think of all the things that could possibly go right.

And map out solutions or ways to avoid things you think could go wrong. Planning how to overcome problems is not the same thing as worrying. Planning is taking action -- worrying is doing nothing.

Better than a doll

We have access to someone who is much more qualified to handle our problems than the dolls we were talking about. God asks us not to worry or fret. He even wants our problems. He only asks that we trust him to handle them according to his will.

King David wrote many, many years ago: "Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him.... [Then] He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday" (Psalm 37:5, New King James Version throughout).

Give your problems to God. Put them in his hands. Let God look after you completely. That is what David is saying to us.

I once read that right in the middle of the African jungle, plagued by the poisonous snakes and insects, gnawed by hunger, harassed by wild beasts and sickened by the slave trade - even dying on his feet - David Livingstone repeated that verse five times a day. In that passage he found strength to go on, knowing that God would keep his promise.

King David believed that promise throughout his life. He said: "For You are my hope, O Lord God; You are my trust from my youth" (Psalm 71:5). This reminds us that we are all poor and needy creatures - young or old. Truly, our only hope is in the power of God.

The Great God offers to carry our burdens. We simply need to be obeying his laws and ask for his help. It isn't always easy to leave your problems in the hands of someone else, but that is what we are instructed in the Bible to do.

God is willing to take on our problems and handle them if we go to him in prayer and ask him to. And then we have to stop worrying about them and let him take care of things in his own time and way - which is the right time and the right way.

The answer or solution to your problem may not come in the way you expect, or even want. It will be in your best interest, though, and it will work out the best in the long run.

So, work on a more positive attitude. Give your worries to God, because that's what he wants. And he promises to help!

Taken from Youth 90 magazine

Ibulsarap (Mang Tomas Jingle)

Parokya Ni Edgar

Kahit san man magpunta, hinahanap-hanap ka!

Mas masaya kapag palagi kang kasama!

Mas masarap kapag palagi kang bitbit

Kung kasya sana sa bulsa't di maiipit!

Chorus:

Sarap ibulsarap!

Ibulsarap ibulsarap!

Ibulsarap!

Ibulsarap, ibulsarap!

Okay lag magbote 'pag nasa bahay ka,

Ngunit pag nasa labas ka na ay medyo dyahe na!

Mas okay syempre kung may pocket size na sarsa!

Sakto kapag may Mang Tomas sachet ka sa bulsa!

Chorus:

Sarap ibulsarap

Ibulsarap

Ibulsarap ng Mang Tomas!

Ibulsarap, Ibulsarap!

Bridge:

At tuwing kailangan ka

Di na kailangan mamroblema

Sapagkat alam ko na nanjan ka lang saking bulsa.

Parang cellphone lang o wallet,

ngunit ang aking dala ay ang

sarap ng Mang Tomas na

kasyang kasya sa bulsa.

Lahat ay ayos na!

[Repeat Chorus twice]

Sarap ibulsarap

Ibulsarap

Ibulsarap ng Mang Tomas!

Ibulsarap, Ibulsarap!

Ibulsarap!

Manila

Sandwich

Intro:

Amoy usok, amoy pawis

Mga aleng nagwawalis

Pitong batang nanglilimos

Kulang pa sa hilamos

Siguradong ang karakas

Itataya lang sa malas

Pag napagod at namalat

Boy bawang ang katapat

Refrain:

Lahat nagmamadali

Traffic na sa expressway

Nagpapahangin sa boulevard

Sunset sa Manila bay

Mama-Manila mama-Manila

Mama-Manila mama-nila

Para-para-para-para boss

D'yan lang sa tabi

Gigimik lang ako sa Malate...

Amoy usok, amoy pawis

Jeepney driver nang-iinis

Ayaw sumali sa pila

Siningitan ang kalesa

Sa may kanto tatlong pulis

Nagmemeryenda ng mais

Kung ang tindera'y maganda

'Wag ka nang magtataka

Lahat nagmamadali

Traffic na sa expressway

Nagpapahangin sa boulevard

Sunset sa Manila bay

Mama-Manila mama-Manila

Mama-Manila mama-nila

Para-para-para-para boss

Take it to the Quiapo bridge

Tatlong milyong kaluluwa

Naghahanap ng ginhawa

Laksa-laksang tinig

Di nawawalan ng pag-asa

Tatlong milyong kaluluwa

Naghahanap ng ginhawa

Laksa-laksang tinig

Di nawawalan ng pag-asa

Fire

2NE1

I go by the name of CL of 2NE1

It's been a long time coming, but we're here now

And we about to set the roof on fire baby (Uh oh)

You better get yours cause I'm gettin' mine

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh 2NE1

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh You gotta ring the alarm

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh We 2NE1

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Come in, come in, come in dareun saesangeuro

Jikyeobkiman han komineun ijae deungeul jigo

La La La La gashik eobneun naui kkotnoraero

Ha Ha Ha Ha dashineol bichi mothaedoruk

Now Let's chumeul chumeul chumeul chouyo wanna get down

Boda kkeun kkumeul kkumeul kkumeul gwo saesangeun naemam

Daero da hal su ittgiyae kkeum jayureul euihae tonight tonight oh

Nae nunbicheun bitnaneun byeol deulro

Na shimjangsogeun tae u neun jeo beulbitdo

Yeongweonhajin anhkyeatji deo irheul keon eobsji

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Yeah

Mi mi mi michigo shippeo

Deo pali tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tikgo shippeo

Jeo nopeun bildingeuro jeo pureun haneuleoro

Keukae so ri ri ri ri ri ri richigu shippeo

You got the fire naui gaseumeun kkung kkung kkung

You gotta drop it like it's hot

jigeum meomchuryeo hajima ooh

The fire nae meoriseukeun kkung kkung kkung

I gotta drop it like it's hot

meomchuryeo hajima hey

Get up, get up, get up, get up myeotbeol neomeojyeodo

Mideotdeon saesangi nal teudashi baeshinhaedo

Na na na nan jeoldae eulji anha babo cheoreom

Eo meo meo meo naesungtalji mal a nam deul cheoreom

Naega jeo kkeulkkaji daeryeokalkae follo-follow me

Sumi cha oreulmankeum dalryeojineun naui gaseumi

Eonji na shiljimaneun alnha jaemitchyeo

Keomnaji mal a let it go

Boda deo naeun nae ilro le le le le le let's go

Nae nunbicheun bitnaneun byeol deulro

Na shimjangsogeun tae u neun jeo beulbitdo

Yeongweonhajin anhkyeatji deo irheul keon eobsji

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Yeah

Na mi mi mi mi mi mi mi michigo shippeo

Deo pali tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tikgo shippeo

Jeo nopeun bildingeuro jeo pureun haneuleoro

Keukae so ri ri ri ri ri ri richigu shippeo

Sori jilleo

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh 2NE1

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh You gotta ring the alarm

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh We 2NE1

Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh

Meoriga chalrang chalrang chalrang chalrang daedoreuk

Eongdeongil salrang salrang salrang salrang heundeulo

Meoriga chalrang chalrang chalrang chalrang daedoreuk

Eongdeongil salrang salrang salrang salrang heundeulo Uh

Na mi mi mi mi mi mi michigo shippeo

Deo pali tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tikgo shippeo

Jeo nopeun bildingeuro jeo pureun haneuleoro

Keukae so ri ri ri ri ri ri richigu shippeo

Eonjena oneucheoreom nan jayoreubgo shippeo

New Divide

Linkin Park

I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me

I remembered each flash as time began to blur

Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me

And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

Chorus:

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean

Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes

Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between

Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide

There was nothing in sight but memories left abandoned

There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow

And the ground caved in between where we were standing

And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean

Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes across this new divide

Bridge:

In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny

And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide

And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean

Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes

Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between

Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide

Across this new divide, across this new divide

How You Love Me Now

Hey Monday

You were talking to her

But messing with me

It's finally clear

You're blurring the lines

Are you disturbed?

Oh, now you care

Why do you race through my red lights?

Refrain:

Can't understand

I'll slow it down for you

Chorus:

Tell me how can you sleep?

How can you breathe?

Baby, tell me how

How you love me now

Tell me how can you sleep?

How can you breathe?

I hate when you say

How you love me now

Save

Save it for her

I'm not gonna hear

Your reasons and "please-just-take-me-backs"

We never were right

Don't waste your breath

You crashed and you're on your own tonight

Can't understand

I'll slow it down for you

Tell me how can you sleep?

How can you breathe?

Baby, tell me how

How you love me now

Tell me how can you sleep?

How can you breathe?

I hate when you say

How you love me now

Lights out

I found out

My falling star

Goodbye

The sun rises here

There's no more you and I

Tell me how can you sleep?

How can you breathe?

Baby, tell me how

How you love me now

Tell me how can you sleep?

How can you breathe?

I hate when you say

How you love me now

How you love me now

How you love me now